12-21-2020
The sunlight barely shines through the window as I open the curtains to begin another weekday morning. Several neighbors still have their Christmas lights glowing as dawn approaches. It looks peaceful out there, but I know the temperature is just below freezing so I make a mental note to remind my kids to wear hats and gloves when they leave to wait for the school bus.
“Here’s your reminder: Take vitamins,” the computery female voice on our Echo Show says. Our reminder goes off at 8am, and the kids jump up and down because they get a healthy treat chewing up those bear-shaped gummies. Mine were those chalky Flinstone vitamins when I was younger, but, thankfully, they make gummy ones for adults now. I really should buy some more…
“Can I go up to my room?” my 4-year-old asks.
“Sure,” I say. He goes up the flight of stairs to play with his Batman playset and rocketship.
“Can I go upstairs?” the toddler asks.
“No,” I tell him. “You left your room and messed with your sister’s things last time.”
“I go upstairs!” he argues.
“No,” I repeat. “You don’t stay in your room like you’re supposed to.”
“But I go upstairs,” he says with a sad voice. This is a very toddleresque move on his part: ask, fight, cry. I know the routine.
Then my 4-year-old comes halfway down the stairs. “Can he come play with me?”
“No, he gets into too much trouble up there,” I say.
A little while later, my 4-year-old comes all the way downstairs to our living room. “Mom, come look what I did.”
“Did you clean upstairs?” I ask.
“Come see,” he says.
I follow his little steps up the stairs. He not only picked up all the toys, but he also made his little brother’s bed very neatly. He even tucked in the teddy bear as if it was bedtime.
“Can he come play up here?” he asks again.
“No, he doesn’t stay,” I begin to explain again.
“I’ll keep an eye on him,” he suggests.
“Ok, fine,” I give in. “Keep an eye on him.”
Of course, I didn’t really expect my 4-year-old to keep an eye on my 2-year-old. I’m not even sure he knows what that phrase means. I let him go up there because of their persistence. The kid(s) broke me down, and made me soft.
I’ve seen God work on my heart the same way. Apparently, it takes a while to knock through my stubbornness and get me to give in to something I don’t want to do. I often need God to show me something at least three times before I’m picking up on the clues that I need to be learning a lesson, making a critical decision, or changing myself in some way.
I have an idea in my head that I’m not going to do something. God hints at me to do it anyway. I say no and make up a good enough reason to not do it. Then God nudges me again and again and again. I’ve finally noticed the message from God, but that doesn’t mean I want to do the thing yet.
My free will and love for God are at war. There’s a little battle going on in my heart and another one in my mind. God is in control, but I’m playing the fight. Whichever side I choose to win will win, and God will use my decision to work everything out for His good plan on earth.
I love the freedom and the complexity of human decisions ultimately working together to accomplish God’s will. I can see how easy it would be for God to tell me what to do, and I follow His command like a programmed robot. God doesn’t work as a tyrant though. He comes to me where I am, and lets me see the options. Sometimes God makes it very clear what my next step should be, but other times there may be a few good choices and a few bad choices and even choices that are neither good or bad. The closer I am to Him, the easier it is to know what He wants. God will draw me near to Him in love and guide me to the best, and all I must do is trust.
Has the Lord been persistently nudging you to follow Him? Are you ready to see His plan for your life?
2 Thessalonians 3:5 “May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ."
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