Cancer Hair

11-23-2020

Spiky one-inch hairs are standing straight up on the top of my head peeking out through the flat longer locks that remain. It looks weird and messy, but they won’t stay down no matter what hair product I try. They are ugly reminders of my past year.

I finished my cancer treatment a few months ago. Thankfully, a friend of mine was able to cut and style my hair so it would look decent as it thinned out over the summer months. I avoided washing my hair during those months because many strands would come out at the same time covering the shower. I wouldn’t use a blow dryer either because heat would damage the hair I had left and of course the entire bathroom would get covered with the lost hair.

My brown dry hair continued to fall out a couple months after chemo ended. Soon the autumn leaves began to cover the ground just as my hair had covered the bathroom. The kids were raking up crunchy leaves to have a jumping place, and I was sweeping up my past to throw into a trash can.

Now, that season of my life is changing. The short hairs are actually a good sign that the deadly medicine has left my system. It’s a huge blessing to notice growth after a rough patch. God was with me through the whole year, with each change that I had to endure.

Going through different seasons in life continues to prove God to be sovereign. If I was in charge of time, I would speed it up during anything unpleasant and slow it down for those special moments. God keeps our time constant. It’s a fact we can rely on.

I know that after the dying in fall and frozen winter, we get to witness a rebirth in spring and growth throughout summer. Our lives are similar, falling down and feeling dead inside or rising up and being a bright new color. No matter what time or situation I find myself, God is in control.

As my hair grows back, I can see how God was working in my life even before my diagnosis. I had a social media post about a week before my first doctor’s appointment when I had my first (and only) cancer symptom. I mentioned online that I was feeling a deep need to trust God and His faithfulness. I don’t usually post emotional things, so seeing that comment a year later made me realize that was the beginning of this difficult season, not the day I was diagnosed.

My cancer season began months before I knew I had it when God prepared my heart. You could even say he was preparing me from birth, raising me in a Christian home where I would hear the gospel and grow up knowing Christ. Or again, He was getting me ready when I had terrible morning sickness with all four of my pregnancies which helped me handle the nausea from my chemotherapy. He’s been through everything with me.

I’m grateful to be able to look at the past and see how I’ve grown (and not just my hair). Those little spiky hairs make me think of God’s faithfulness and sovereignty during this time in my life. I realized that I need to pay attention to God in the bad and the good. (Simple concept, hard realization).

His goodness on earth reflects His goodness in heaven. Although we only get a glimpse of it here, I wonder about the magnificent seasons up there.

God’s glory truly overtakes heaven in a holy awe of brightness. The constant shine warms the heart. How do seasons change perfectly without any groaning from a sin-filled land? A perfect spring. A marvelous summer. A refreshing autumn. A beautiful winter. There are so many thoughts and questions this could lead to. I will wait and see.

Today, I shall focus on making His glory known on earth so that one day more people will know who He is and what He has done for us. I choose to praise God for being in control of seasons and time and everything.

Daniel 2:20-21 “Daniel answered and said: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might. He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding.”